CHOPPAH FEARS NOTHING EXCEPT GIANT BLUEBERRIES!

Posted: October 11, 2010 in Uncategorized

The long-dreamed-of three-course gum from Willy Wonka could become a reality, scientists say. I’d muster a “yay,” but I’m too busy dry-heaving.

Researchers at the U.K. Institute for Food Research are working on microcapsules to “provide a new way of delivering drugs to the colon,” according to one scientist, but the fun does not end there. Those same capsules could be used for goofs instead of for colon…stuff. “These nanoparticles may hold the answer to creating a three-course gourmet gum,” the food scientist told The Telegraph. Tomato soup, roast beef, and blueberry pie — coming right up. (Your esophagus. As you vomit. Because it would be repulsive.)

Savory gum sounds disgusto barfo, to quote The Office‘s Kelly Kapoor, especially given how truly foul most recent gum innovations have been. Berry-to-mint gum tastes like Satan. “Mojito” gum tastes like another Satan. Gum with gel in it has the one-two punch of tasting bad and also feeling, as a sensation, just awful. As Dr. Phil tells us, the best indication of future behavior is past behavior, thus the best indication of future gum is past gum. And that future/past does not taste very good.

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